I didn’t know that I’d develop such
an obsession with all things baked during my time in Toronto. Now since I’ve
been back, I find myself being drawn to the baking needs aisle more frequently,
lamenting the fact that I do not have access to a proper electric oven, and
trying out as many bakeries as I can. I miss my pumpkin pies, cheesecakes and
biscotti too much.
However, I’m sorely disappointed in
the quality of baked goods/baking items available in the markets in Karachi.
Maybe, I’d have been less disappointed, had there not been so many cooking
channels airing special programs on delicious baking... Maybe, due to this, I
had a lot of expectations with the “professional” bakers. Here’s a series of
complaints about things that got me disappointed:
Brownies:
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| Bricks |
Seriously? It’s the easiest thing
there is out there to bake. Anything with sugar, eggs, flour and a dash of
vanilla tastes delicious... and adding loads of chocolate into the batter makes
it simply divine. How can one go wrong with fudgy, chocolatey brownies? When there
are a million recipes out there in books/mags/newspapers, and for free on the
internet? And if you’re totally lazy, you can simply pick up a box of brownie
mix to bake a batch in under 20 minutes! Heck, you can bake it in less than 6
minutes if you’re like me (using a microwave oven)!!
The brownies these so-called “professional
bakers” present us with are brick-hard blocks of flour (almost black due to the
excessive artificial colour) that taste like cardboard. No fudgy, chewy
chocolate in there- not even a decent amount of cocoa powder. You might come
across the occasional white spots (evidence that the baker was in too much
hurry to mix the batter properly) while you take your bite. You may also get an
unpleasant surprise when you discover a hard little pebble between your teeth-
don’t worry, it’s only a rather smallish bit of mouldy, rancid walnut that the
baker thought was a great idea to add and perk up the flavour. It’s too small
to cause any serious stomach troubles. Really...! Stick to your old Betty
Crocker boxes (thankfully available at most supermarkets), a microwaveable
dish, and your reliable old microwave... you do NOT need to spend Rs.500+ for a
terrible disaster from a showy bakery.
Cakes:
You know, there was a time when
your dad used to order your birthday cake from the bakery closest to your
house, and you couldn’t wait to cut it and later lick the icing off your
knife...remember? When the candles used to go smoothly into the decent amount
of chocolate icing, and the sponge was soft and delicious... and the nice
little line of icing in the middle made you so happy, it was like eating two
pieces of cake instead of one...anyways. Those days are gone. Over.
The cake from the bakery closest to
your house has some nasty obsession with pineapple pieces and canned juice
nowadays...in fact, it’s all the rage I hear. The cute decorations are also
gone- you only get blobs of white stuff all around with a ‘glazed’ cherry on
top of them. Once you cut into the cake... the middle layer is completely full
of all sizes and shapes of pineapple chunks you could imagine. The lower sponge
is soaking through with pineapple canned juice... the “juice” you throw away
when you eat out the chunks from the can. Yes, that juice. No matter what
flavour the bakery claims the icing/sponge is... I can guarantee it will taste
like pineapple. 100%- no doubt about that.
Then, if you are like me, you blame
the neighbourhood bakery...and decide to go to that hip little cutesy place
everyone’s been talking about. It’s the bakery that charges 50% more on every
item, just because it’s a hip little cutesy place everyone’s been talking
about... you know the one, don’t you? You pick out the loveliest, scrumptious
cake you can see in their fridge, and pay a ridiculous amount for such a small
cake...but (you tell yourself) this bakery actually uses some expensive
stuff... that’s why.
 |
| Yup...that's the one. |
Well guess what? Surprise!! You get
a repeat of a brownie disaster! It’s a brick made out of flour, tasting
mysteriously like that cardboard box it came in... and you even get some sticky
icing that makes your teeth turn blue! (or green or red... depends) Ooh...the
fondant decoration made you melt? Now it’ll make the bite hard to swallow by
sticking to your throat...awesome! Just what you paid for.
Whatever you do, do NOT buy a
cheesecake from said hip little cutesy place. It’s just a plain frightening
mess of white cement, with a bit of cream or vanilla or something...that’s
sitting on top of biscuits ka ‘choora’...
that powder you find at the bottom of cookie packets. The point that’s
frightening is: it’s not baked...it’s
frozen. Using some kind of corn flour or gelatine mixture. It has raw eggs
inside. Now that’s frightening.
Cupcakes:
Ah! Cupcakes... who doesn’t like
them? First of all... those aluminum “cups” on display look completely empty.
Upon inspection, you find- oh yeah...that’s dark chocolate icing on it... You
buy a dozen of them to fill a box to take home (ridiculous amount of money for
the almost empty aluminum cups, but it’s the hip little cutesy place after
all). You use your nails to pry apart the aluminum from the thing inside, while
the “icing” leaks onto your fingers. You take a dismally small bite of the
cupcake...tastes like sugar and vanilla..not bad. Atleast not cardboard... but
that’s what you get. If you are stupid enough to get those fondant-with-icing
on top ones, be sure to brush your teeth properly later. You don’t want to
scare people with purple teeth.
Pizza:
Yes, I went to the world’s most
renowned pizza franchise after 5 years of being abroad. After 5 years of eating
pizza from small unknown places that used to serve halal and charged no money
for home delivery. I discovered that the basic sizes followed all over the
world are unavailable at our place. We get to choose from “Large” (read
normal/regular all over the world) and “pan-sized” (read
so-small-it-fits-in-my-plate). The “Extra”-large option is unheard of. No dips
on the side. You pay extra for salads and drinks. The garlic bread is likely to
pull out your front teeth, so is the crust with barely-there toppings. No
matter what flavour you order, you are only going to enjoy the flavour of the
crust, and some hanging strips of mozzarella...yay! for your expensive pizza.
They serve ice-cold drinks, so your mouth is thankfully too numb to bother
about all other tastes.
Oh well... Time to start baking by myself.
