Monday, January 31, 2011

Two kinds of Hell


I was too lazy to go upstairs to practise my shots on the actual table tennis table, so I was playing pseudo-ping pong with our wall outside. Our water tank (tanki)’s motor was running smoothly on the other side of the terrace. Nani Ammi (my grandmother) had just had her evening chai, and she was sitting by herself at the takht reading the newspaper. All you could hear on that humid evening was the remnants of a defeated summer day, the chug-chug-chug of the motor, and my occasional sharp hits on the wall.

I didn’t realize where that loud bang came from at first. Maybe I hit the window by mistake? No? Maybe the motor blew up? Someone fell? But whatever it was, it shook the ground beneath. I remember being so shocked that I just stood there with the racket in my hand and the ball bouncing by itself... for a slow drawn out moment. Nani Ammi had a surprised look on her face. For what felt like a couple of minutes, but was exactly 10 seconds as we later found out, we both remained fixed where we were. Then it came again. This time, I was sure it wasn’t me or the motor- which was still chugging away as indifferently as only a machine can.

This time it rang loudly in my head, and shook me so badly that I almost stumbled on a perfectly level surface. It wasn’t an earthquake. They don’t come with a bang and leave a lasting echo of a whistle in your ear. You don’t smell gunpowder in the air for miles around. Your bones shake exactly the same way though, and for a moment you don’t know what has happened.

I remember Ammi walking out onto the terrace silently, as if in a daze. We listened. No sound but the motor. Even the birds were too shocked to comment. A cat was sitting on our boundary wall, one leg outstretched in mid-air. It too was listening.
“I think, we should go inside.” We went in. 

Somebody switched on the tv. It was a miracle the power wasn’t out. A channel had breaking news: 2 suicide bomb blasts outside a Shia mosque, just 2 blocks away from our house. Some part of me, deep inside, was still shaking as if it felt the explosion replaying over and over again.
The burnt smell, the small earthquake, the shock, the painful whistle in my left ear- all explained: 2 bomb blasts 10 seconds apart. Our silence was drowned out by the swift official voice of the News anchor, and our eyes were glued to the horror displayed on screen: wailing ambulances, people screaming in silence, flashing red lights, chaos. 

Only in Karachi do you change the channel quickly after such a tragedy. You switch to a foreign channel that has nothing to do with you, or with us, or anything. Another channel, another place, where this didn’t happen. Then you get up and go about your business. It keeps coming back, of course, but you push it away.

However, as we sat down for our dinner later and finally put the news at 9 back on, we learned the tragedy wasn’t over yet. People had taken to the streets in protest. Burned cars and hit policemen trying to clear the scene. People had shaken fists at the tv cameras and shouted terrible threats to their favourite punching bags. But people had done worse. There was a KFC restaurant right beside the Shia mosque (where 5 people had died due to the blasts), and people- common people- were attacking KFC. 

We later heard that the 6 KFC workers on duty had brought down the shutters, and helped all their customers escape out the back door to safety. Then they had hoped to spend some time inside the locked store until things calmed down outside. But somebody thought it was a better idea to set the building on fire. 4 KFC employees were burnt to death that night, while 2 of their colleagues, who tried to escape the fire by running to the freezer section (and by mistake locking themselves in) froze to death. Six young, middle-class, hard-working boys. Who had mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers, wives and children. Who had tried to make an honest living, working at the local business. Killed. Not by a terrorist who blew himself up, but by people who were protesting.

People who were protesting what? Shias or Sunnis? insanity or inhumanity? Terrorists or themselves? People also torched shops. One of the shops actually housed an Art gallery, whose owner was a Shia and a friend of my dad. His most valuable possession-his paintings, went up in smoke that night. We went to visit him later, and he showed us the walls, as if they had been freshly painted in charcoal. He was a poor man, I was very sorry for him.
I remember I couldn’t sleep properly that night. I kept having nightmares of a burning hell and a freezing hell. I woke up to realize there was a third kind of hell too: the one we live in.

(this memory is from May 2005)

Monday, January 24, 2011

I am a rebel!

I found this poem online, and the words of the poet were so haunting, that I simply had to translate it and share it with all:



I am a rebel

From the customs of this time,
from these thrones and these crowns,
That are born from cruelty-
and feed on human lives,
That are built on foundations of hate,
from such products of bloodshed-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!

One twitch upon their lips-
One glance of their eyes-
can cause the laws to change,
and let criminals run free-
from such masters of theft and treachery,
from such "guardians" of justice-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!

from those who make women dance,
and sell them out on streets,
and then upon that fallen Honor,
they march out in protest-
from these tyrants and miscreants,
from these buyers at the markets-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!

from those who cry at the country's fate,
then steal from the nation shamelessly,
from those who dwell in palaces,
and talk about poverty,
from these tricksters and these thieves,
from these Feudal Lords and Chiefs-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!

from those in the 'business' of religion,
who are a major disease and affliction,
fond of labeling others as god-less infidels,
as if they are the last word on Faith-
from these liars and cheats,
from these enterprises of religion-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!

where breaths are severely measured,
where fortunes are eternally ruined,
where caste and race are a complicated mess,
and the noose of hatred hangs low-
from such lowly thoughts and ideas,
from such lands of Oppression-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!

I hold the flag of Truth,
and the threat of tyranny is upon me,
But when was I afraid of death?
I live, but for the sake of death-
when the rising sun shall shine in my blood,
then every living soul shall say-

I am a rebel!
I am a rebel!
However much you punish me!
I am a rebel!

- Unknown poet (most probably Habib Jalib or Javed Hashmi)

Monday, January 17, 2011

January happenings

My favourite month... it's like starting a fresh page in a new crisp notebook. It's brighter than last year, there's a skip to one's step (reasonably caused by the heavy snow we get in Jan), and an upbeat outlook on life . It's also my Birthday so January has been something I've always looked forward to. 

I've been reading a lot in the past few days, and watching several things on youtube and/or TV, so much so that my memory fails to register the information as visual/textual, imaginary/factual, did-you-type-it-in-Youtube/did-you-flip-channels-randomly-to-come-across-this-info/did-you-read-it-in-print? 

(Warning: a Lament on Language follows)

The book I've been reading is in Urdu, written by Quratulain Hyder, who is seriously Awesome. The story is thoroughly entertaining, and I'm beginning to improve my Urdu vocabulary as I ask my aunt for help whenever I get stuck. Which makes me sad about the fact that Urdu (real, true, beautiful Urdu) is slowly on the decline. There are so many words and terms, sweet as honey, deep as the ocean, that can never be found in another language and many among my generation do not know them. They can't even be translated, some of their glory, their sweetness is lost. Translating Urdu is like trying to sketch a perfect cube on a piece of paper in 2-D. It is nothing but a shadow on a lower plane of dimensions. Bleak shadow with a paper taste. Not the warm light, and honeyed beauty of the language - something I hold most dear. 

I also watched an Urdu TV drama called "Ankahi" (entirely on youtube) and I found how much our spoken Urdu has deteriorated in just 30 years. There are words, that we know the meaning of, and how to use, but we choose to speak an easy English every day word in their stead. Over time, those alfaaz (words) recede in our memory gathering dust. Since they are never used, we begin to forget that they ever existed. The next generation is completely oblivious of the alfaaz. Readers may wonder, why am I lamenting the loss of those words? Maybe they were unnecessary or inconvenient? 
No...in fact, choosing English terms in place of an Urdu term is again like choosing a 2-D cube sketch over an actual cube. Bleak shadow with a paper taste. What is gone with these words, is the warmth of knowledge, the light of our culture, and the sweetness of our polite and humble behaviour. That is lost. 
More and more often I feel, that this zubaan (language) is doomed. But as long as there are people who realize its importance, and as long as people love Urdu, it won't be so bad. Someone forwarded me this clip of an American who came to love Urdu, and learnt it, and speaks it wonderfully. I am ashamed to say, even I can not use such pure alfaaz in my day-to-day guftugu (talk). Here it is:

I hope you enjoy, if you understand Urdu. If not, I can translate upon request. What I already have translated from this interview, is John's recital of Allama Iqbal's poem at the end of this video: Iqbal's Message


Friday, December 31, 2010

Lessons learnt in time



Dear Readers,
I had been thinking about these things for a long time, and even wrote down a couple in my notebook, but I think the New Year's eve is the best time to put it all out there in writing. Some lessons may sound weird, others cliche, but bear with me if you can. I hope at least one or two of them make you think a bit, and that some might be useful in the coming years. I apologize in advance on any 'preachiness' you may encounter.
Here are some things I have learnt:


- Whatever happens, happens for the better. Not ‘best’.


- No matter how hard you try, there are still going to be a multitude of people upset with you for one reason or another. Just keep doing what you do.

- No two people have the same opinions on every matter.

- The story about a man traveling with his son and a donkey through various towns* is absolutely true. Whoever told this story was a genius.

- Also, the person who told the story about the blind men trying to describe an elephant by touch* was an even bigger genius than the previous one.

- Every lie you tell, will eventually find you one of these days in the worst circumstances. Hence, Honesty is always the best policy.

- People change. Not in drastic dramatic ways that make you shake your head in shock...but one slight change every minute of every day. 

- Integrity and sincerity is much more important than being correct or incorrect. If one is incorrect, but is completely sincere and steadfast in his/her belief, then he/she is a better person than someone who changes opinions as times change. The deeper the integrity, the more solid and strong the character of a person.

- It is better to be truly something, through and through: truly good, truly evil, truly sad, and truly crazy, than being halfway through everything.

- Those who have money may ‘have’ more, but those who have sense ‘enjoy’ more.

- Say it as it is. No other time will be provided to you in life, when you can stand and give your detailed speech to an attentive audience.

- The ‘truth’ may be controversial, upsetting and sound plain rude to people,  but speaking the truth and bearing the outcome of disapproval/discomfort is better than agreeing with the falsehoods being circulated in front of you. People may not like it- but at least you will make sure to wake up their conscience a little bit and be ashamed of themselves.

- Books are far better company than people.  But you are the best company you keep. Be interesting for your own sake.  Be more.

- Sadness makes a sensible person better. It makes an insensible git, more of an idiot.

- Being considerate towards other people does not guarantee reward, regard or acknowledgement. Sometimes it is even the gateway for emotional exploitation. Be prepared to bear with it.

- Some people are ‘outcasts’ for a reason. It’s good to be nice to them, but when the attention gets to their head, you should let them know what a favour you were doing in trying to include them in your life. If they get it, good for them. If they don’t, good for you.

- People who often don’t keep their words/promises are not good people. No matter how religious they are, and how sweetly they talk. Actions speak louder than words.

- Be sure to stop and acknowledge those people who made your life even a little bit better. Later on, these few acknowledgements will make you feel better.

- Forgive, but don’t forget your lesson.

- Never be a hypocrite. It will take a lot of effort to haul yourself over to one side of the situation, but do go over to one side. Decisions are almost never gain and gain situations.

- Being related by blood does not guarantee loyalty or companionship. In fact, nothing guarantees it. Unless you keep a pet.

- Apologies may make you sound stupid or desperate, but they cleanse your conscience. What the other person does with it is none of your business. They will pay for their lot.

- People who ‘do’ extra things in their lives, are more intelligent than anyone else.  A ‘one-track’ mind is equal to a ‘dull’ mind. Be interesting!

- Respect those who accept their mistakes. They are great people and few and far between.

- It is the hardest thing to do, but Give. Whatever you can, your time, your words, your emotions, your smiles. What you give, is truly what you have gained, even if it was totally lost on the person at the receiving end.

- There is more to people than their names, where they are from, what they do and their Facebook pages. ‘Know’ people when you have the chance.

- Good must defeat evil. Not in epic battles a la Lord of the Rings, but in real everyday life.  No heroes come and no angels descend to help you. You defeat evil, every time you see it.

- To ‘choose battles wisely’, doesn’t mean to turn a blind eye where it doesn’t concern you. Highlight the conflict, state clearly your stand, and make it obvious that you “choose” not to fight here.


-There is hope for humanity as long as there is hope for you being a better person than you presently are. If you stop now, the hope will diminish.


"For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice" ~ T.S. Elliot


Hope you enjoy! And to each and every one of you I wish a Happy New Year!


(* famous folk stories told to me by my grandmother. Here is a link for the Donkey's tale, And here is another link about the Blind men and the Elephant told as a poem. )

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The love of God

a special poem by Dante Alighieri

The love of God, unutterable and perfect,
     flows into a pure soul the way that light
     rushes into a transparent object.
The more love that it finds, the more it gives
     itself; so that, as we grow clear and open,
     the more complete the joy of heaven is.
And the more souls who resonate together,
     the greater the intensity of their love,
     and, mirror-like, each soul reflects the other.


Happy Christmas to all!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

How to be a better writer

Back after a month-long break!
So today, let me share with you an interesting article I 'stumbled upon' (oh yes, I got an account with StumbleUpon recently, been enjoying the stumbling experience). Here is the link: 10 things to do to become a better writer in 10 days Highly recommend reading the linked article before you read further.

Now I admit that sounds like a great article, and it looks great too, but I beg to differ from the writer in this case, most politely. Here's what I have to say about her 'tips':

1- Be a troll for one day, be obnoxious, get into fights online, and later SINCERELY apologize to each person.



I mean... really? Being a troll is certainly fun (I make sure to exercise my trolling capacity regularly, especially for dumb Y!Answers) but writing "I'm sorry guys, I was just practicing being a writer who gets bashed by the publisher..." will certainly make one sound a bit- balmy. Also, getting into fights online (esp. YouTube) will not improve your chances at being a writer. What it will improve is your expletive vocabulary with time.
And, go talk to somebody you have hurt? What if that somebody slams the door shut in your face? Is that insult enough to start thinking about being a writer? I hope so, you know. And no, I haven't destroyed my reputation with those who love me the most, or those I love the most. And I don't think writers destroy their reputation before attempting to get published.

2- Spend one whole day being silent.

 Hmm, I can imagine how that day will go... at most one can collect 5 embarrassing moments from such a day (when you are mumbling, pointing at things and looking ridiculous) to use in your next novel. Instead, I'd advise writers to be silent and observe, yes that's the keyword right there "observe". And don't take a silence vow... just be more attentive to your surroundings, be relaxed and you'd naturally learn to observe things in more detail.
Telling a beginner (in writing) that you have nothing important to say kind of defeats the purpose. Writers write because they have something to say.

3- Spend one day as a student of reality.


Every day is reality, if you wake up sane enough. So cut down on those drinks and weed... But I agree, taking a notebook and noting down the little things adds flavour and colour to a description. It also hones one's power for imagining details when you have to make them up yourself. Drunk Kitteh would make a really bad albeit entertaining story-teller. Meow.

4- Spend one day with the lyrics of your favourite songs. Take the lyrics, and annotate them with random bits of descriptions you see around you as you listen to the song.


Um, why? It will teach me 'sub-texts'. Not necessarily. If I follow the said example, and I'm listening to .. say Green Day's Wake me up when September ends... and I see a guy slip and fall on the ice outside, how does that give me sub-text? Or, when my aunt's talking on the phone and deciding which day would be the best for the Plumber to come and check our kitchen sink... does that link at all with the song? And finally, I hate ginger... and that's what I kind of smell sitting in the kitchen, listening to '...bring out the bells again.... like we did when spring began....' does that even make sense? no... i think the ginger stink is getting to me.

5- Spend one day writing and re-writing a scene. From different angles, with the same characters, over and over again. Like do this please ok? Other wise you can't get out of this dismal detention. No, writing doesn't have to be a chore, it doesn't have to be so well-thought out, so well-measured, so perfectly laid-out like a chess board. Writing can be as quirky, fun, and biased as you want it to be. It can be as crazy as you are, because when you write, you pour a part of yourself onto the ink and paper. If writing for you is this much hard-work, maybe you are too artificial to actually be a writer.

6- Spend one day on research.


 Yes, I agree. Not just one day. Every day! To be the best writer you can be, you have to be a better reader first. Read read and read. Only that will teach you how to write. And researching articles and jamming up random info in one day will not help. Your normal common sense, and day to day knowledge that you acquire will give you the fuel to write. And writing an essay proving yourself wrong? have too much time on your hands? The power of Einstein's Tongue compels you!

7- Spend one day watching children.


Ahm... how about remembering your own self as a child? I find that the most inspiring of all things. Childhood is 'wonder' personified, not confusion. What is the author of this article thinking? Children are confused? No way... they're having the time of their lives! and just to remind the readers, children are actually the best story-tellers out there.

8- Spend one day crying.


 My God, this article is getting from bad to worse. Yeah, imagine Jane Austen crying her heart out over all her sewing things in the parlour, or J.K. Rowling bawling at a cafe on a snowy evening. But to see Charles Dickens howling before the pen and paper, or Tolkien sobbing away in his library as a writer's ritual is absolutely hilarious... maybe I should write about that.
Oh, and go out and punch a tree, and feel sorry for yourself. I think the only author who might actually do this is Stephanie Meyer. This punching a tree and crying will make you a highly courageous being, who can conquer any fiction/non-fiction nonsense in a matter of minutes, making Scholastic and Barnes-Noble bow down before you... All Hail! the tree-punching sobbing idiot!
Not impressed? the author of the article reminds us at this point, that we'd better find a job instead. It sounds.... Ironic.

9- Spend one day laughing at everything.


At the end of the day, make your family shake their head and talk about all the weird drugs you may be on. Better still, wear your slimiest hairstyle, don't wash your face, and walk out the door in your old sneakers. Point and laugh at everything. Gather leaves in a plastic bag and run after cars on the street. When the police finally get you, admit to being practicing a new technique to improve your writing skills. Finish your novel in jail or a mental institution (the most notorious environments for producing great works of art). Good Luck!

10- Spend one whole day being grateful.


If you haven't followed the author's tips, and are still confident of your writing abilities, be grateful. If you followed the 10 day crash course, and have survived the final crash... be grateful. If you're out of jail/mental institution, be grateful. My last piece of advice is NOT go up to people you love and talk to them about being glad of candles and nail clippers. Remember, you were supposed to be grateful for being out of psychiatric care.
Put your hand to your head and say... I still have a brain there somewhere, and a bit of common sense. I will tell the world anything and everything, true or untrue, reality or fantasy, my dreams or their dreams... I will tell it all, unformatted, un-measured, unedited - just as mad, crazy and confused as I want it to.

P.S. Since I've only known the 90's and 2000's, the 70's underwear reference is obsolete. Thanks.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Iqbal's Message


Create a place for yourself in the land of Passion,
Create a new age, a new day, a new eve.

If God grants you a heart full of understanding of Nature,
Create dialogue with the silence of flowers in bloom.

Do not greed for the West’s gleaming crystals,
Create the wine and cup from your own land.

I’m a branch of grape, the fruit is my poetry,
Create your life-blood, your red wine, from this fruit.

My way is not of worldly wealth, but that of a selfless dervish,
Sell not your Self - win your Name in hardship, in poverty.  

Iqbal, the poet of the East, was born on November 9th, 1877, and is known the world over for his inspiring poetry that celebrates Independence, Rationality, and Thoughtful existence as the essence of Life. He was knighted for his collection of poetry called the Asrar-e-Khudi.  This piece is translated from a poem he wrote to his son, describing the path he should follow. This message is sadly lost on the new generation. 
Read more about Iqbal, the poet and philospher: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad_Iqbal

Original Urdu Ghazal (Javed ke Naam, by Iqbal)

دیار عشق میں اپنا مقام پیدا کر
نیا زمانہ ، نیی صبح و شام پیدا کر

خدا اگر دل فطرت شناس دے تجھ کو
سکوت لالہ و گل سے کلام پیدا کر

اٹھا نہ شیشہ گران فرنگ کا احسان 
سفال ہند سے مینا و جام پیدا کر

میں شاخ تاک ہوں، میرا ثمرہے میری غزل 
میرے ثمر سے مے لالہ فام پیدا کر

میرا طریق امیری نہیں فقیری ہے
خودی نہ بیچ، غریبی میں نام پیدا کر